Neverisms Read online

  Never be afraid to stand with the minority when the minority is right,

  for the minority which is right will one day be the majority.WILLIAM JENNINGS BRYAN

  Never tell a lie to a reporter.

  Everyone I’ve seen do it has gotten in a helluva lot of trouble.JOSEPH CALIFANO, as Jimmy Carter’s HEW secretary

  My first rule for Democrats to live by:

  Never just oppose, always propose.JAMES CARVILLE, in his 2003 book Had Enough?

  A Handbook for Fighting Back

  This was the seventh of “Carville’s Ten Rules for Progressives to Live By.” He added:Every election is a choice, and as progressives, our goal must be to ensure that the choice isn’t between bad and nothing; the choice needs to be between bad and good. We progressives need to define our vision of America, not just react to the right wing’s vision of America.

  Never make a defence or apology before you be accused.CHARLES I, King of England, in a 1636 letter to Lord Wentworth

  (note that I have retained his original spelling of defence)

  When I am abroad, I always make it a rule

  never to criticize or attack the government of my own country.

  I make up for lost time when I come home.WINSTON CHURCHILL

  Churchill said this in 1946, shortly after he had been ousted as prime minister and at a time in his life when he opposed many of the English government’s postwar policies.

  Never forget that no military leader

  has ever become great without audacity.CARL VON CLAUSEWITZ, in On War (1831)

  The legendary military theorist added: “If the leader is filled with high ambition and if he pursues his aims with audacity and strength of will, he will reach them in spite of all obstacles.”

  Never tell anyone to go to hell unless you can make ’em go.BILL CLINTON

  In his annual U.S. News & World Report round-up, John Leo called this one of the best aphorisms of 1994. It had been presented earlier that year as one of “Bill Clinton’s Ten Rules of Politics” in Meredith Oakley’s biography On the Make: The Rise of Bill Clinton. The observation is not original to Clinton, however. As far back as the 1960s, Lyndon Johnson had been quoted as saying: “Never tell a man to go to hell unless you’re sure you can send him there.” One other Clinton rule was also phrased neveristically:

  Never look past the next election; it might be your last.

  Never go out to meet trouble.

  If you will just sit still,

  nine cases out of ten someone will intercept it before it reaches you.CALVIN COOLIDGE, to Theodore Roosevelt Jr. in 1924

  Never vote for the best candidate,

  vote for the one who will do the least harm.FRANK DANE

  Never be haughty to the humble, or humble to the haughty.JEFFERSON DAVIS

  This was a personal motto for Davis—the American general who became president of the Confederate States of America—and he offered the thought on many occasions.

  Never write anything down,

  and never throw away anything that other people have written down.MAUREEN DOWD, in a 1994 column titled

  “Thou Shalt Not Leave a Paper Trail”

  This originally seemed like an unusual thought from a columnist, but Dowd was writing about politicians. Her dozen “real rules for ambitious courtiers” also included:

  Never confuse networking with affection.

  Shoot to kill. There’s no such thing as wounding.

  And never interfere with your enemy

  when he’s in the process of damaging himself.

  Perhaps one of the only pieces of advice that I was ever given

  was that supplied by an old courtier who observed:

  Only two rules really count.

  Never miss an opportunity to relieve yourself;

  never miss a chance to sit down and rest your feet.EDWARD, DUKE OF WINDSOR, in A King’s Story (1951)

  In 1936, King Edward VIII was less than a year into his reign when he abdicated the throne in order to marry the American divorcée Wallis Simpson. After the royal resignation, he became known as the Duke of Windsor, and she the Duchess. In this passage from his autobiography, he was recalling some advice he received during his brief reign.

  Over the years, similar observations have been attributed to other world leaders. The advice to “relieve yourself” also shows up in a famous anecdote involving the man who defeated Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo. When a journalist asked Arthur Wellesley, the Duke of Wellington, what motto had served him best in all of his years of military service, Wellington replied by using a naval euphemism for urination:

  Never lose an opportunity to pump ship.

  In his 2009 biography Churchill, Paul Johnson reported that he was only sixteen when he first met the legendary prime minister in 1946. When Johnson asked, “To what do you attribute your success in life?” Churchill replied:

  Conservation of energy.

  Never stand up when you can sit down;

  and never sit down when you can lie down.

  On this side of the Atlantic, former White House press secretary Bill Moyers once said this about his former boss:

  Lyndon Johnson taught me two things.

  He’d say never pass up a bathroom and never pass up breakfast,

  because you’ll never know when you’ll get either again.

  Never lose your temper, except intentionally.DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER

  According to Sherman Adams, White House chief of staff from 1953 to 1958, this was a favorite saying of the thirty-fourth president. It nicely captures the goal of many political and corporate leaders, which is to only express anger strategically, and to never lose control over the emotion (a similar thought from John Wayne appears in the stage & screen chapter). Some of Ike’s other favorite sayings were also expressed neveristically:

  Never waste a minute thinking about people you don’t like.

  Never be more scared of the enemy than you think he is of you.

  Never send a battalion to take a hill if you have a division available.

  Never let yourself be persuaded that any one Great Man,

  any one leader, is necessary to the salvation of America.

  Never strike a king unless you are sure you shall kill him.RALPH WALDO EMERSON, an 1843 journal entry

  Never put anybody on hold.HAMILTON FISH JR., on constituent telephone calls,

  quoted in a 1995 U.S. News & World Report article

  Never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.LARRY HAGMAN, as J. R. Ewing

  This line was delivered by Hagman in a 1980s episode of the CBS television prime-time soap opera Dallas. He described it as “The cardinal rule of politics.”

  Never corner an opponent,

  and always assist him to save his face.BASIL HENRY LIDDELL HART, English historian, offering

  “advice to statesmen” in Deterrent or Defence (1960)

  Never give your enemies

  any more reason than they already have to go on hating you.CARL HAYDEN, who represented Arizona in

  the U.S. House and Senate for nearly 57 years

  Never worry about anything that is past.HERBERT HOOVER

  The thirty-first president added: “Charge it up to experience and forget the trouble. There are always plenty of troubles ahead, so don’t turn and look back on any behind you.”

  Never meet the press after a long flight.

  You are bound to make mistakes.HUBERT H. HUMPHREY, said during his vice presidency

  Never make a speech at a country dance or a football game.LYNDON B. JOHNSON, citing advice from his father

  Never miss an opportunity to

  say a word of congratulations upon anyone’s achievement,

  or express sympathy in sorrow or disappointment.LYNDON B. JOHNSON, one of ten “rules for success” quoted

  by David J. Schwartz in The Magic of Thinking Big (1965)

  Never forget, rarely forgive.EDWARD KOCH, while serving as New York City mayor


  Never stir up litigation.

  A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.ABRAHAM LINCOLN, in “Notes on the Practice of Law” (1850)

  Never get into a land war in Asia.GEN. DOUGLAS A. MACARTHUR,

  quoted in a 1955 congressional hearing

  For a fascinating example of how this saying showed up in the 1987 film The Princess Bride, see the Wallace Shawn entry in the stage & screen chapter.

  Never question another man’s motive.

  Question his judgment, but never his motive.MIKE MANSFIELD, as quoted by VP-elect Joe Biden

  in his 2009 farewell speech to the U.S. Senate

  Never say anything in a national campaign that anyone might remember.EUGENE MCCARTHY, often cited as

  “McCarthy’s First Law of Politics”

  Never underestimate the intimate relationship of politics and language.ROBERT MCCRUM

  This was one of “Five Rules for Politicians Who Want to Be Winners” that McCrum laid out in a 2007 article in The Observer. In discussing the fall of Richard Nixon, he wrote:What really cooked Nixon’s goose with the American voters was the blizzard of “expletive deleted” in the published transcript of Oval Office conversations. High crimes and misdemeanors were one thing. Presidential profanity was something else.

  Never forget posterity when devising a policy.

  Never think of posterity when making a speech.ROBERT G. MENZIES, former prime minister of Australia

  Never take an elevator when you’re in City Hall.HARVEY MILK, quoted by Randy Shilts in The Mayor of Castro Street: The Life and Times of Harvey Milk (1978)

  When Milk was elected to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors in 1977, he became the first openly gay man to be elected to public office in California. In this observation—which was all about making a dramatic entrance—he was referring to the elegant marble staircase that flows into the lobby of San Francisco’s City Hall. He continued: “Always take that stairway. You can make such an entrance with it.” And then, just to make sure his point was made, he concluded: “You can make such an entrance—take it slowly.”

  Never speak of yourself in the third person.THOMAS P. “TIP” O’NEILL JR.

  This appeared in O’Neill’s 1993 book All Politics Is Local: And Other Rules of the Game (written with Gary Hymel). The book also contained these admonitions:

  Never forget your spouse.

  Never forget whence you came.

  Never attack an opponent’s family.

  Never get introduced to the crowd at sports events.

  Never question the honesty or integrity of a colleague.

  Never say something you don’t want to see on the front page of the local paper.

  Never lose your temper, even when met with insults.CHRISTABEL PANKHURST

  Pankhurst made this remark about the women’s suffrage movement in a 1912 article in The Century magazine. She preceded it by writing, “Self-restraint has always been one of our first rules.” The English suffragist returned to the theme in her 1959 memoir Unshackled: How We Won the Vote, where she wrote: “Never lose your temper with the Press or the public is a major rule of political life.”

  Never wear a ring on your right hand in a receiving line.

  It’s always a little old lady who will squeeze so hard

  she’ll bring you to your knees.NANCY REAGAN, quoted in Newsweek in 1987

  Never forget that the most powerful force on earth is love.NELSON ROCKEFELLER, a favorite observation

  This is how the quotation almost always appears, but in a eulogy at Rockefeller’s 1979 memorial service, Henry Kissinger recalled a slightly different phrasing:In recent years, he and I would often sit on the veranda overlooking his beloved Hudson River in the setting sun. . . . And, as the statues on the lawn glowed in the dimming light, Nelson Rockefeller would occasionally get that squint in his eyes, which betokened a far horizon. And he would say, because I needed it, but, above all, because he deeply felt it: “Never forget that the most profound force in the world is love.”

  Never blame a legislative body for not doing something.

  When they do nothing, they don’t hurt anybody.

  When they do something is when they become dangerous.WILL ROGERS, in a 1920s syndicated column

  Rogers is best remembered as a star of stage and film, but he was also an influential newspaper columnist. In a weekly New York Times column that was syndicated to over 500 newspapers, he wrote more than 2,500 columns between 1922 and 1935.

  Never hit if you can help it, but when you have to, hit hard.

  Never hit soft.

  You’ll never get any thanks for hitting soft.THEODORE ROOSEVELT, in a 1912 diary entry

  Roosevelt described this as “My cardinal principle” and returned to the theme again and again in his letters, conversations, and speeches. It also echoes the sentiment behind the quotation most often associated with Roosevelt: “Speak softly, but carry a big stick.”

  Never go after someone’s strength;

  go after what he thinks is his strength,

  but what is, in reality, a weakness.KARL ROVE, in Courage and Consequence:

  My Life As a Conservative (2010)

  Rove used this strategy in many campaigns, most famously against Al Gore, John Kerry, and Ann Richards. About Gore, he wrote: “Al Gore thinks he’s strong because he’s smarter than most people. Fine; depict him as someone who looks down on voters.”

  Never forget that television is a visual medium.HERB SCHMERTZ

  This is stock advice that Schmertz and other PR consultants give to politicians about how to approach television appearances. Schmertz added:The person sitting out there is a passive viewer who’s going to go away with an impression of you. You might be making a brilliant argument, but what the viewer will remember is whether your necklace jangled every time you turned your head, or whether the shape of your mustache made you look like a shifty character.

  Never ask poets about politics or politicians about poetry.SHAUNA SORENSON

  Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.HARRY S TRUMAN

  Biographer Merle Miller contrasted Truman and LBJ in his book on President Johnson. LBJ had a coarse, often profane sense of humor, while Truman was “very prim.” Miller wrote: “I never heard Truman utter a sexual joke, but I did hear him make many scatological remarks. Once someone asked him what his philosophy of life was. I’ll never forget his answer: ‘Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.’”

  In a political struggle,

  never get personal else the dagger digs too deep.

  Your enemy today may need to be your ally tomorrow.JACK VALENTI, in a 1996 address

  to the Federal Communications Bar Association

  Valenti reprinted the full speech—which he delivered completely without notes—in Speak Up with Confidence: How to Prepare, Learn, and Deliver Effective Speeches (1982). In his classic book on public speaking, Valenti also offered these thoughts:

  Never try to speak merely from notes unless you know your subject cold.

  As you construct your speech,

  never forget that this is not an exercise in personal indulgence;

  you are striving to make contact with your audience.

  Never rise to your feet without having given thought to what you are going to say.

  Whatever happens,

  never forget that people would rather be led to perdition by a man,

  than to victory by a woman.REBECCA WEST, said just prior to Margaret

  Thatcher’s election victory in 1979

  Never murder a man who is committing suicide.WOODROW WILSON

  This observation is almost always attributed to Wilson, but in a 1916 letter to Bernard Baruch, a personal friend and political adviser, he cited an unnamed friend as the author. A similar observation, attributed to Napoleon Bonaparte, may be found in the classic neverisms chapter.

  thirteen

  Never Coddle a Malcontent

  Business & Management

  People today u
sually describe Peter Drucker as “the father of modern management,” but I have come to believe that Erwin H. Schell may be more deserving of the title. Sadly, though, outside the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, he is not well known. I first learned of Schell several years ago when I stumbled across an admonition he had offered to managers:

  Never be unreceptive to facts,

  however discouraging, disappointing, or injurious

  to your personal welfare they may appear to be.

  I was immediately taken by this wise and beautifully phrased advice from a man I’d never heard of. I immediately went to Wikipedia, where I found only a one-sentence biographical entry: “Erwin Schell was a Dean of the MIT Department of Business and Engineering from 1930 through 1951.” I then checked The Forbes Book of Business Quotations, a massive compilation of 14,173 quotations. Nope, not a single entry from Erwin Schell. I decided to do a bit more digging.