Neverisms Read online

  Never question the honesty or integrity of an umpire or his partner.

  Never peek back at the catcher to see the signs

  or his position while in the batter’s box.

  Some were addressed specifically to managers:

  Never intentionally walk in a run.

  And one fascinating one was addressed to fans:

  Never accept coins from a vendor.

  In his delightful explanation of this fan rule, Dickson reminded us that unwritten rules hold as much sway in the stands as they do on the playing field: “Let ’em keep that change or your row will brand you as a cheapskate.”

  In addition to superstitions and unwritten rules, baseball has also long been characterized by a practice that it shares with all other sports—the use of short and simple sayings to inspire, motivate, and spur athletes on. In exhorting athletes to perform well, however, coaches rarely yell out such positively phrased sayings as, “Always persevere!” or “Give it your all!” No, when it comes to urging their athletes on, the most memorable sayings to come out of the mouths of coaches are negatively phrased:

  Never give up! Never give in! Never quit! Never let up!

  Never lose your cool! Never coast! Never stop trying!

  Never beat yourself! Never be out-hustled! Never show intimidation!

  From early childhood, young athletes have had sayings like these drilled into them by parents. As kids get older, they hear the sayings repeated countless times by coaches. Ultimately, the sayings are internalized. Many critics have disparaged expressions like “Never give up!” as mere platitudes. Some have even suggested that the people who spout such trite and hackneyed sayings display a lack of originality, and perhaps even a lack of intelligence. A platitude, we are told by the editors of the American Heritage Dictionary, is:

  An expression or idea that has lost its originality or force through overuse.

  While there is no denying that most popular sports neverisms have lost their originality through overuse, it is quite another thing to believe they have lost their force. For many athletes, succinct sayings take on an almost sacred quality as they are repeated over and over again in a mantra-like manner. There is no doubt that such sayings have transformed some lives.

  On February 16, 2005, ten days after helping the New England Patriots win their third Super Bowl trophy in four years, thirty-one-year-old middle linebacker Tedy Bruschi suffered a stroke. A short while later, as he went into surgery, he was told that his playing days were over. After surgery, Bruschi lacked the strength to lift his young children in his arms. During his rehabilitation, though, he began to think the unthinkable. Could he return to the game he loved? The thought horrified his wife, Heidi, who pleaded with him to give up such a dangerous idea. His doctors also scoffed at the notion. But less than nine months after his stroke, Bruschi was introduced as the team’s starting linebacker in a nationally telecast game against the Buffalo Bills. In one of the most emotional moments in the history of sports, he became the first NFL player to return to the game after a stroke. Bruschi told his story in a 2007 memoir that he wrote with Boston Globe sportswriter Michael Holley. The subtitle was My Stroke, My Recovery, and My Return to the NFL. And the title?

  Never Give Up

  The force of simple sayings also showed up prominently in the life and career of legendary basketball coach John Wooden. While he is best remembered for his coaching accomplishments, Wooden was also an outstanding player. As a high school student, he led his Martinsville, Indiana, basketball team to the state finals for three consecutive years, winning it all in 1927. While majoring in English at Purdue University, he took the Purdue Boilermakers to the 1932 National Championship. He was the first college basketball player to be named to an “All-American” team for three consecutive years. In the 1930s, he played in the National Basketball League—the precursor of the NBA—while working as a high school teacher and coach. He still holds the league record for making the most consecutive free throws (134, over 46 games). After serving in WWII, Wooden was named the head basketball coach at UCLA. He was not particularly successful in the early years, but he went on to do something that, by current standards, is almost unbelievable: From 1964 to 1975, his UCLA Bruins won ten NCAA championships in twelve years. During one epic run, his team won a record 88 consecutive games and had two back-to-back 30–0 seasons. Wooden is one of only three people to be named to the Basketball Hall of Fame as a player and a coach (the two others are Lenny Wilkens and Bill Sharman).

  How does a person become so successful? After he retired in 1975, Wooden revealed the secrets to his success. Almost everything he achieved, he said, could be traced back to some simple rules he learned from his dad. Wooden’s father called them his “Two Sets of Three.”

  Never lie. Never cheat. Never steal.

  Never whine. Never complain. Never make excuses.

  These admonitions may lack originality, but the stories of Bruschi and Wooden—and many others—indicate that such sayings have not lost their force. An observation from economist Edgar R. Fiedler says it all:

  Never underestimate the power of a platitude.

  In the remainder of the chapter, we’ll survey more neverisms from the world of sport. Mixed in with the many important cautionary warnings will be stirring motivational quotations, a variety of helpful tips, several clever and witty observations, and one highly questionable piece of advice. You can also expect to see a few more platitudes. When you do, you might want to remember that one person’s platitude is another person’s mantra. And for many athletes, the most important mantras in their life begin with the word never.

  Never take an opponent for granted.ANONYMOUS COACH

  The first coach who uttered these words to players will never be known, but they’ve been shouted thousands—perhaps millions—of times to athletes in every sport. So have some of these other examples of coach-speak:

  Never embarrass an opponent.

  Never celebrate before the game is over.

  Never play not to lose; always play to win.

  Never let an opponent get inside your head.

  Never let your opponent see even a hint of dejection.

  Never think that an individual is more important than the team.

  Never coast when you’re ahead; never quit when you’re behind.

  Never think you’re playing against an opponent;

  you’re always playing against yourself.

  Circumstances may cause interruptions and delays,

  but never lose sight of your goal.MARIO ANDRETTI

  Never try to snow a snowman.BO BELINSKY, quoted in Maury Allen’s

  1973 biography Bo: Pitching and Wooing

  Belinsky, a colorful athlete with an ability to come up with a memorable sound bite, was a favorite of sportswriters. To understand the meaning of this remark, think about sayings like, “Never try to con a con artist” or “Never try to bullshit a bullshitter.” Since the 1960s, to snow has been a popular idiom that means, “to deceive somebody.” The root sense is that many things—including the truth—can be covered in a blanket of snow. In the 1970s, phrases like “a snow job” or “he snowed me” were pervasive.

  Belinsky was far more famous for his off-the-field exploits than for his athleticism, but few careers have ever started off so brilliantly. As a 1962 rookie for the Los Angeles Angels, he won his first four starts, the fourth via a no-hitter. He ended that season with a mediocre 10–11 record, and nine seasons later, after bouncing around to four more baseball teams, he retired with a dismal 28–51 record. During his playing career, Belinsky was a hard-partying ladies’ man who was romantically involved with Ann-Margret, Connie Stevens, Tina Louise, and Mamie Van Doren (his fiancée for a year). He ultimately married the 1965 Playmate of the Year, but they divorced five years later. A Sports Illustrated profile in 1971 by writer Pat Jordan acknowledged Belinsky’s “slick and dazzling” early start, but went on to say that his name would ultimately “become synonymous with dissi
pated talent.”

  Never assume anything’s really finished or officially happened . . .

  until it’s really finished or officially happened.YOGI BERRA, from his 2001 book

  When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!

  Berra added: “I’ve always lived by this rule, especially when things look darkest. It’s a great thing to tell yourself when you don’t get what you want most.” When the sixteen-year-old Berra tried out for the St. Louis Cardinals, he was told by manager Branch Rickey to find another career. That heartbreaking rejection only motivated Berra to work harder and get better—and a few years later he was signed by the New York Yankees.

  Never break your putter and driver in the same match or you’re dead.TOMMY BOLT

  This became a signature line for Bolt, a professional golfer with a temper so well known that he gave his 1960 memoir an ironic title: How to Keep Your Temper on the Golf Course. Fellow golfer Jimmy Demaret said about Bolt’s tendency to angrily toss a club: “Tommy Bolt’s putter has spent more time in the air than Lindbergh.”

  Here’s another important piece of advice:

  Never ask the person with whom you’re betting to help you.TERRY BRADSHAW, in Keep it Simple (2002),

  written with David Fisher

  This advice appeared in an entertaining story Bradshaw told about his first hole-in-one. The way in which he phrased his admonition reminds me of why I’ve been disappointed with so many books that sports stars have written with sportswriters. Too often, the writers clean up the language and grammar so thoroughly that they fail to accurately convey how the athletes typically talk. The plain-speaking Bradshaw would never use the phrase “the person with whom you’re betting.” So I’m going to do what David Fisher should have done, and that is to write the line in a way that bears a resemblance to what Bradshaw might have originally said: “Never expect any help from a guy who’s betting against you.”

  We also had an important mantra: never sell each other out.TEDY BRUSCHI, in Never Give Up (2007),

  on the success of his team’s defensive unit

  Never quit. It is the easiest cop-out in the world.

  Set a goal and don’t quit until you attain it.

  When you do attain it, set another goal, and don’t quit until you reach it.

  Never quit.PAUL “BEAR” BRYANT

  The number one rule is:

  Never throw from the top of the mound.DICK CHENEY, on throwing ceremonial “first pitches”

  Cheney’s rule is addressed to politicians and celebrities who want to avoid public humiliation. Throwing from the top of the mound, instead of from in front of it, dramatically increases the chances that the ball will be thrown out of the catcher’s reach or, worse, that it will bounce in the dirt on the way to home plate—generally to the jeers of the fans.1. Never quit anything you start.2. Work harder than the other person.3. Never be intimidated by anyone or anything.BILL COWHER, his three ingredients for success

  Cowher coached the Pittsburgh Steelers for fifteen years, winning a Super Bowl title in 2006. He also offered this warning to athletes: “Never take yourself too seriously, particularly if you’ve had success.”

  Never do anything stupid.BEN CRENSHAW, legendary golfer, when asked

  to summarize his philosophy of life

  You ought to run the hardest when you feel the worst.

  Never let the other guy know you’re down.JOE DIMAGGIO, quoted in Mind Gym (2002),

  by Gary Mack & David Casstevens

  Letting opponents know you’re in pain—physically or psychologically—is a big no-no, and another one of the unwritten laws of sport. Paul Dickson’s The Unwritten Rules of Baseball presented two similar rules:

  Never show pain inflicted by an opponent, no matter how much it hurts.

  Never rub yourself after a collision,

  including hard slides and head-on collisions at home plate.

  The admonition about never showing pain appears in other sports as well. Legendary football coach Lou Holtz said something similar about letting an opponent see you in psychological distress: “Never let anyone know you’re rattled. They will draw strength from your discomfort.”

  Never call a Scottish bunker a sand trap,

  at least not in the presence of your Scottish host.JAMES DODSON, in Golf in the Homeland (1997)

  A “sand trap” in America is called a “bunker” in Scotland, the birthplace of golf. In contrasting Scottish bunkers with their American counterparts, Dodson wrote: “They are designed to penalize you for making a stupid shot rather than frame a pretty green fairway or provide a soft white cushion for your 6-iron shot to the green.”

  Never complain about an injury.

  We believe that if you play, then you aren’t injured, and that’s that.ROY EMERSON, Australian tennis player

  Never beat yourself.BILL FREEHAN, in Behind the Mask (1969)

  During his fifteen years as a catcher for the Detroit Tigers, Freehan won five Golden Glove titles and was elected to the All-Star team eleven times (many consider him the most talented catcher not elected to baseball’s Hall of Fame). His 1969 memoir looked at the game of baseball from a catcher’s perspective (hence, the title). After the book appeared, his saying was commonly dubbed “Freehan’s Law.”

  The first thing is to love your sport.

  Never do it to please someone else. It has to be yours.PEGGY FLEMING

  Never charge a player.FORD FRICK

  This was one of ten rules for umpires drafted by Frick, the third commissioner of Major League Baseball. Published in Baseball Digest in 1949, they were widely circulated. The tenth rule was about collegiality: “No matter what your opinion of another umpire, never make an adverse comment regarding him.”

  Never trust a base runner who’s limping.

  Comes a base hit and you’ll think he just got back from Lourdes.JOE GARAGIOLA, in Baseball Is a Funny Game (1960)

  Never concede a base to your opponent under any circumstances.GORDIE GILLESPIE, baseball coach

  Never order sweet tea in a state that does not have an SEC team.LEWIS GRIZZARD

  If you’re from outside of the South, you may struggle with the meaning of this saying, which was inspired by a popular southernism: “Never order sweet tea outside the South.” The SEC is the Southeastern Conference, one of America’s major college athletic conferences. The underlying notion is that you can’t get good sweet tea anyplace else but in the South.

  Never go to bed a loser.GEORGE HALAS, his personal motto

  Halas, known as “Papa Bear,” was the owner of the Chicago Bears from the team’s founding in 1920 until his death in 1983. In the early years, he was also a player, and for many decades he managed the team. This was his motto, which he prominently displayed on a sign in his office.

  Never be afraid to demand excellence.LOU HOLTZ, in Winning Every Day (1998)

  Holtz completed this recommendation with an important caveat: “But remember, the standards you establish for others must reflect the standards you set for yourself. No one will follow a hypocrite.” In his thirty-three-year coaching career, Holtz coached at six different colleges, taking teams from all six schools to at least one bowl game. He is best remembered for his eleven-year stint at Notre Dame, where he won one hundred games. After he retired, he became a successful motivational speaker and author. He also advised:

  Never shortchange anyone.

  Never bet against anyone who is committed to excellence.

  Never be overly critical of an individual’s performance.

  First, find out why he or she failed.

  Once you’ve established your good name, maintain it.

  Never blemish it with a misdeed or false word.

  Never take your attitude for granted.

  Reevaluate yourself continually to ensure you are maintaining your edge.

  Never borrow money from your ball club

  and never try to fool your manager.FRED HUTCHINSON, his rule for rookies

  Nev
er think about what’s at stake.MICHAEL JORDAN

  Jordan said the key to approaching a big game was to relax, and take your mind off the idea of winning or losing. He added: “Just think about the basketball game. If you start to think about who is going to win the championship, you’ve lost your focus.”

  Never have a club in your bag that you’re afraid to hit.TOM KITE, professional golfer

  Never forget a defeat.

  Defeat can be the key to victory.MIKE KRZYZEWSKI, in Leading with the Heart (2000),

  written with Donald T. Phillips

  In his bestselling book about success strategies in basketball, business, and life, Coach K also provided these additional coaching insights:

  Never let a person’s weakness get in the way of his strength.

  There is always a way to win. Never say you cannot do it.

  Never set a goal that involves number of wins—never.

  Set goals that revolve around playing together as a team.

  Doing so will put you in a position to win every game.

  The time your game is most vulnerable is when you’re ahead.

  Never let up!ROD LAVER, quoted in a 1975 profile

  in U.S. News & World Report

  Never tell your team anything that you don’t believe yourself.VINCE LOMBARDI